Thursday, May 21, 2009

Marketing 101

"What is Marketing?

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

-That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says,
"She's fantastic in bed.

- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party.
You go up to him and get his telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
You get up and straighten your dress.
You walk up to him and pour him a drink.
You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie
brushing yourself slightly against his arm, and then say,
"By the way, I'm fantastic in bed.

- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
He walks up to you and says,
I hear you're fantastic in bed."

- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy.
You talk him into going home with your friend.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.

- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there
could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing.
So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center
and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed

- That's Spam.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Can U Dance 2 My Beat

Can U Dance 2 My Beat

Beats United Radio 5 Yr Anniversary Party
Start Time:
Saturday, May 30, 2009 at 10:00pm
End Time:
Sunday, May 31, 2009 at 4:00am
Chic Chinoise
214 King Street West (across from Roy Thompson Hall)
Toronto, ON



“Beats United Radio", on the airwaves of CHRY 105.5FM for 5 years strong, started out as the legendary Rhythm Method (1989)/Deep Section (2000) with T.O.’s own Mitch Winthrop, Greg Gow and Nick Holder on Friday nights. After passing the torch to DJ’s Johnny Lopez and Jeff Graham and host Kimmy, the show was moved to Monday nights 11pm-1am and has showcased the finest in local and international talent such as Josh Milan (Blaze, NYC), “Jellybean” Benitez (ANBAHP, NYC) & DJ FLX (3 Degrees, CHI) to name a few…

And to help us mark the occasion we're importing one of The Leaders of the Deep House New School...

FILSONIK – (Syam – Objektivty - NYC)

From Louie Vega, Osunlade and Tony Touch to label mates Dennis Ferrer & The Martinez Bros, the company that Filsonik keeps is a true reflection of what his sound is all about… That Next Level Shit!!! Reared on a healthy diet of hip hop, latin disco, and reggae music on the city's Lower East Side, this production prodigy has spent the early part of ’09 re-mixing, re-editing and re-touching his crates in preparation for an all out assault on dance floors across the land… If you were lucky enough to catch any of his buzzed about sets this year @ WMC in Miami then you already know!!!

Setting the table will be...

Johnny Lopez + Jeff Graham
(Beats United Radio)

Tyrone Solomon
(Sweet Tears - 83 West)

With your hosts...

Taboo "The Life Of The Party"

Winston 'Frekkls' Fleming

Hyped? Ent & Kimmy

Ladies vs Real Women

If you accidentally over-salt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."

Real Women
If you over-salt a dish while you are cooking, that's too damn bad. Please recite with me, The Real Women's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes."

Cure for headaches: Take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.

Real Women
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink. You might still have the headache, but who cares?

Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.

Real Women
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake. You are probably lying on the couch, with your feet up, eating it anyway.

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.

Real Women
Buy boxed mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the inside of the cake.

Real Women
Go to the bakery - they'll even decorate it for you.

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.

Real Women
Sara Lee frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust, so I just don't do it.

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dish washing gloves. They give a non slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

Real Women
Go ask the very cute neighbor guy to do it.

And finally the most important tip!.....

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

Real Women
Leftover wine??

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn...that was fun!"